Heroes Con

Last Updated on Monday, 22 June 2009 05:16 Written by Scott Wegna Monday, 22 June 2009 11:50

North Carolina is hot. I cannot emphasize this enough. Including the word “North” in its name could be construed as false advertising, were state names subject to FDA regulation or any sort of truth in advertising laws. The word “North” is inextricably associated with words like “snow”, “Santa Claus”, and “Holy Shit it’s fucking freezing up here.” When some one says “North” to you the first image that pops into your mind is not one of an atmosphere so humid and thick that you can see it. So unpleasant that the very act of breathing becomes painful as your lungs are simultaneously seared by the heat and drowned by the 99% relative humidity.

I would like to start a petition demanding that the Carolinas be renamed Upper and Lower Carolina. Or maybe just “NASCAR U.S.A.” and “This Is Where Cigarettes Come From Land.” Likewise, the Dakotas should be renamed “Witch’s Tits” and “Chilly Under-Tits”. Because I am sure that South Dakota is just as discombobulating for Southern visitors as North Carolina was for a Yankee like me.

Despite the beastly heat, NC was very nice. Especially when viewed from within the climate controlled hallways of the Charlotte Convention Center. My only disappointment for the week was the dispelling of an old belief that Southerners were intrinsically more polite than Northerners. No one was openly rude to me or anything like that. I just sort of expected to be blown away by how friendly everyone was.  Up here we burn so many calories just staying alive in the winter that I assumed we didn’t have the energy needed to be overwhelmingly friendly. But apparently the oppresive heat has a similar effect on social skills as out blistering cold does.

So basically people are the same in the South as they are in the North. Some of them suck, some of them are totally awesome, and most of them are totally forgettable. Like rocks. Or pillows. Pillows that serve you coffee or work in banks.

EDIT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!!! WordPress just ate three hours of writing. I’m operating on 5 hours of sleep after a ten hour trip from the Convention Center to my front door. So here is the highlight reel.

-HEROESCON is hands down the best show I have ever been to. Shelton Drum and Dustin Harbin, I cannot thank you enough for inviting me to the show.

-I also can’t thank my friend and art rep Bob Shaw enough for putting me on the HeroesCon radar. We had a great show and his help was invaluable. I just need to ask his wife where the off-switch is. I’ve never known anybody before who starts talking the second he wakes up and only stops long enough to shove food into his pie hole. LOL

-Terence of The Dollar Bin is officially inducted into the Team Robo Road Crew. You will recieve your pamphlet outlining TRRC hotel room etiquette, proper deployment of the Bro-Barrier, when and how to chill in the Brotanical Garden, and all the rules involved in playing Face Club. It was a pleasure meeting you sir, and I hope we see you again before next year’s show.

- Fuel Pizza & Mert’s Heart & Soul. Brutal on the colan, but good for the rest of you.

-”Why yes, I think I will draw Doctor Teeth sodomizing Bert. That will be twenty-five dollars please.”

-I love my Chuck Taylors but I have 5 blisters that really really hurt.

-Jeanine from Marvel is the bee’s knees. Brian and I will be emailing you soon.

-People should not fart on crowded airplanes. Especially when they are sitting next to me.

Okay that’s it. The Widget just handed me the new Ghostbusters game for Father’s Day. I’m out.

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