One More Week

Yes, in less than seven days the Widget starts Girl Scout camp and I get to have a normal work day again . . .for 4 weeks anyway. Then August arrives and my work day gets stupid again. But for four glorious weeks I will be happy. Or as happy as I am capable of being anyway.

Summertime and school vacation weeks (of which there are many) really screw things up for a home-worker like me. Somehow the work usually gets done -more or less- but it’s the rest of your life that falls apart. Time that would have been dedicated to washing dishes, doing laundry, and shopping for groceries gets absorbed into getting your work done so the power company doesn’t turn off your lights, or the repo man doesn’t come take your car away. Add to that an 8yr old who appears at your elbow every fifteen minutes to ask you if it’s time to go swimming yet, or can you please play a game, blah blah blah. The concept that you have work to get done, and that by doing that work this kid gets to eat and live in a house, never registers in the child’s mind. What registers is that you are a jerk who cares more about work than playing with your kid. You miss the point that these precious Halmark moments are slipping away and you are totally missing out on them.

But then again, children are all self-centered little monsters and Hallmark is a company build on peddling bullshit to idiots.

I know for a fact that there are parents who think that I am the monster in this scenario and that my child and Hallmark are in the right. But I also know for a fact that these parents were so immensely boring beforehand that having children was the only way to make their pointless lives even remotely interesting -if only to themselves.

You want to know what I’ve learned in almost ten years of parenting? I’ve learned that kids are like dogs. A shit load of fun in small doses. They are simple and they delight in the attention you show them, and they can be a breath of fresh air in your otherwise overly-complex life of adult bullshit. But caring for them day in and day out is a different story altogether. Constantly picking up somebody else’s shit, and keeping enough of an eye on them so that they don’t chew the fuck out of the furniture, is an exercise in grinding mental boredom.

The fact is that kids and dogs, after about fifteen minutes, are not that interesting. They don’t have any thought provoking ideas to share, they can’t help you hang shelves, and they are unwilling to pick up after themselves.

I suppose that reading this you might think that I hate my daughter. And that couldn’t be further from the truth. As kids go, she’s pretty awesome. She’s well behaved most of the time, she had good manners, gets good grades, and she plays well with others. I couldn’t ask for a better kid. And I do a lot of stuff with her. Soccer, swim lessons, and homework after school. We have a little tradition where I let her “cut school” for the day and we go on an “Adventure”. I’m about 300% more involved that my own dad was. Which I used to really resent as a kid. But as an adult I just accept. Because I’d rather be out doing something else, or just working, than playing my 50th game of UNO or berating my kid for being the shitiest co-op gamer in the world as she throws me under the bus . . . YET AGAIN . . . in Wii Sponge-Bob Squarepants. But when you have sex with pretty girls these are the responsibilities that you may find yourself taking on.

Speaking of doing stupid things that I would never consider subjecting myself to if I didn’t have a kid -we went to Chunky’s this weekend. Which is basically a factory for fat white trash people. Sort of like Northern New Jersey and Queens are were urban hillbillies (guedos) are made.  As far as I can tell, Chunky’s is a New England thing so I’ll explain it. You go into a movie theater. But instead of rows of uncomfortable seats there are rows of long narrow tables, each surrounded by eight giant leather seats pulled out of limos, town cars, and Cadillacs. The seats still recline, and they are mounted on wheels so you can face your table or face the movie screen.

I was expecting something cool like out of a 1950’s wet dream. Small booths with tail fins and brake lights, glittering chrome and sparkly naugahyde. The reality was grey and depressing. Giant seats, filled with giant people, slung around a viking longboard that couldn’t have been 15″ wide. I think I was also expecting it to be . . .cleaner. Not that it was dirty exactly. It was no worse than any movie theater. But that was kind of the problem. You accept a certain level of filth at the movies. People spill things, popcorn gets knocked over, etc. But to sit down and eat an actual meal in that environment sort of makes you want to get tested for Hep C.

But instead we just ordered several platters of deep friend bullshit off the menu (even the salads were 3000 calories, battered, and fried), and added a couple pitchers of beer to put out the fire all that grease was causing in our G.I. tracks.

It was (of course) a kid’s paradise. French fries and hamburgers while you watch a movie? What could be better.

On the way out I forced my younger brother to stand between the two exit doors with me as we waited for the girls to make a bathroom pit stop. As a side note, I cannot imagine sitting my bare ass on anything in Chunky’s. From where we stood we had an excellent view of the people coming out. I’m not lying when I tell you that more than half of them waddled rather than walked. Some, too fat to waddle, rode little motorized scooters, their oxygen tanks strapped to the back, little clear tubes running to their noses as they reached for their pack of Cools, desperate for a smoke after being stuck indoors for two hours. It was like the real world version of the space-people in Wall-E.

Speaking of Pixar, we saw UP by the way. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. I got really choked up in a few places. But other parts of the movie just bored me to tears.I suspect that like Ratatouille I will have to watch it more than once before I decide whether or not I like it. UP was a movie with a lot of dogs. And as I mentioned just a moment ago, dogs are fun for about five seconds.

Friends of ours saw UP a few weeks ago and told us that it was a perfect metaphor for aging, developing alzheimers, and then committing suicide.  I can see that actually. Even if it does completely ignore the end of the film. Then again, my friends are kind of fucked up.

Anyway, with the exception of the flying house (Which I thought was a not-so-subtle rip-off of Howl’s Moving Castle), I didn’t really enjoy any of the fantasy parts of the movie.  I was totally drawn in by the quiet sincerity of the opening and the cute ending. But the middle felt really stupid to me.

Like I said though, I’ll have to watch it a few more times before I decide. If I can say anything it’s that Pixar makes films that move on more levels than any other CGI company. I hated CARS when I first saw it. But as I watched it a few more times at home and learned some of the back-story to why they did this or that, my perceptions changed. What had started as a retarded NASCAR hick circle-jerk evolved into a heartwarming tribute that was surprising subtle at points.

RANDOM SPLENDOR

73584a049eb2956ff

radio_hat

deadpool10 - respawnlol

I still haven't read an issue of Deadpool, and I'm not entirely certain I want to.

russia-500x673

plumbbob-stokes-blimp

d9780aba1db1edca54659e5aa527277c_full

  • http://mattcrap.deviantart.com mattcrap

    “But then again, children are all self-centered little monsters and Hallmark is a company build on peddling bullshit to idiots.”
    PURE SPLENDOR!

    wow….talk about hitting the nail on the head! I love my two self-centered little monsters and I definitely understand all the points you make. I do feel like I’m missing out sometimes (having to deal with all the bullshit of being an adult) but I’m looking at it along the same lines as you are: I look at my parent’s level of participation and if I can make a dent with my kid where they didn’t then I’m doing right by my kids.

  • http://mattcrap.deviantart.com/ mattcrap

    “But then again, children are all self-centered little monsters and Hallmark is a company build on peddling bullshit to idiots.”
    PURE SPLENDOR!

    wow….talk about hitting the nail on the head! I love my two self-centered little monsters and I definitely understand all the points you make. I do feel like I’m missing out sometimes (having to deal with all the bullshit of being an adult) but I’m looking at it along the same lines as you are: I look at my parent’s level of participation and if I can make a dent with my kid where they didn’t then I’m doing right by my kids.

  • Lara

    Now I have a way to introduce myself at parties.

    “And who are you again?”

    “I’m Scott Wegener’s fucked up friend. You can read about me on his blog. I’m kind of a big deal.”

  • Lara

    Now I have a way to introduce myself at parties.

    “And who are you again?”

    “I’m Scott Wegener’s fucked up friend. You can read about me on his blog. I’m kind of a big deal.”

  • Scott!

    Matt -Yeah I think we all do the best we can. The only time I feel any real resentment or frustration is when the things I have to do, regardless of my wishes, interfere with what the Widget would like me to do.

    In those cases, regardless of what I do, I feel stress. It’s a lose-lose sort of situation.

    Sometimes I wish I has a studio separate from my house. Then I could say I work from this time to that time, and the rest of my day is the kid’s.

    Lara -Haha. Its the being fucked up that makes you guys so much more fun than many of our other friends. I look at my “Beautiful Carnival” of a wife in that same light. I could have dated two other girls at the time I met her, and possibly been married to one of them right now. My life probably would have made a lot more sense than it does, but it would sure be a lot less interesting.

    I’d say we all live roughly on the same shelf in the dented can isle of the Supermarket of Life.

  • Scott!

    Matt -Yeah I think we all do the best we can. The only time I feel any real resentment or frustration is when the things I have to do, regardless of my wishes, interfere with what the Widget would like me to do.

    In those cases, regardless of what I do, I feel stress. It’s a lose-lose sort of situation.

    Sometimes I wish I has a studio separate from my house. Then I could say I work from this time to that time, and the rest of my day is the kid’s.

    Lara -Haha. Its the being fucked up that makes you guys so much more fun than many of our other friends. I look at my “Beautiful Carnival” of a wife in that same light. I could have dated two other girls at the time I met her, and possibly been married to one of them right now. My life probably would have made a lot more sense than it does, but it would sure be a lot less interesting.

    I’d say we all live roughly on the same shelf in the dented can isle of the Supermarket of Life.

  • Lara

    Dude, my thunder. You’re stealing it with your “explanation”.

    I AM THE FUCKED UP FRIEND!!!!

    WHOOOOOOOO!!

    i am somebody

  • Lara

    Dude, my thunder. You’re stealing it with your “explanation”.

    I AM THE FUCKED UP FRIEND!!!!

    WHOOOOOOOO!!

    i am somebody

  • James

    Man, why is Osborne’s shirt so reflective? Is he wearing plastic or something?

  • James

    Man, why is Osborne’s shirt so reflective? Is he wearing plastic or something?

  • Mark Stegbauer

    Man, that Liberace was so ahead of his time when it came to fashion. Brings a tear to my eye.*sob*

  • Mark Stegbauer

    Man, that Liberace was so ahead of his time when it came to fashion. Brings a tear to my eye.*sob*

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/tetsubo57 Tetsubo

    I get to be in the F*cked Up Friends club!

    Are there badges?

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/tetsubo57 Tetsubo

    I get to be in the F*cked Up Friends club!

    Are there badges?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/10thletter/ j(ay)

    The key to a better life: vasectomy at an early age.

    As for last week’s entry: less trendy shoes are much, much more comfortable.
    And, you know, less trendy.

    Did Robo ever meet Michael Jackson?

    Really, really dug KoDemons and also the Torch one-shot, would smile a big, big smile if either turned into an ongoing as long as you were at the bench.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/10thletter/ j(ay)

    The key to a better life: vasectomy at an early age.

    As for last week’s entry: less trendy shoes are much, much more comfortable.
    And, you know, less trendy.

    Did Robo ever meet Michael Jackson?

    Really, really dug KoDemons and also the Torch one-shot, would smile a big, big smile if either turned into an ongoing as long as you were at the bench.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/tetsubo57 Tetsubo

    The problem is that most doctors won’t perform a vasectomy on a young person. For fear of being sued. Unless you can prove you are mentally or emotionally unstable. Then they snip that stuff in a heart beat.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/tetsubo57 Tetsubo

    The problem is that most doctors won’t perform a vasectomy on a young person. For fear of being sued. Unless you can prove you are mentally or emotionally unstable. Then they snip that stuff in a heart beat.

  • Dave W.

    http://3547.voxcdn.com/photos/5/15/146173_l.jpg

    from this angle Chunky’s looks like the kind of place they send people for “re-education”

    “Eat. Sleep. Reproduce. Eat. Sleep. Reproduce…”

    The thing that scares me most is how much I liked the place. Most likely the fact that they serve alcohol made it easier to accept the subconscious brainwave broadcast that played underneath the movie the whole time.
    I hope the Widgit falls in love with some other disgusting, whitetrash, rat-hole to go to for her birthday.

  • Dave W.

    http://3547.voxcdn.com/photos/5/15/146173_l.jpg

    from this angle Chunky’s looks like the kind of place they send people for “re-education”

    “Eat. Sleep. Reproduce. Eat. Sleep. Reproduce…”

    The thing that scares me most is how much I liked the place. Most likely the fact that they serve alcohol made it easier to accept the subconscious brainwave broadcast that played underneath the movie the whole time.
    I hope the Widgit falls in love with some other disgusting, whitetrash, rat-hole to go to for her birthday.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/tetsubo57 Tetsubo

    I’m not sure that Scott can out do last years Widget birthday bash. Renting out the town theater was just cool.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/tetsubo57 Tetsubo

    I’m not sure that Scott can out do last years Widget birthday bash. Renting out the town theater was just cool.

  • Ben M.

    I went to a place just like the one you described. I forgot the name though, Spencers’? Spunkys’? Ah, whatever. I saw UP while I was there. The food was wicked expensive, so we just decided to go eat at wendy’s after the movie. And just like how you described it, some parts had me choked up, others made me want to sleep, but overall, I would say it was almost as good as WALL-E.

    But the main difference between our trips, was that I didn’t seem to see a bunch of waddling, round people. Sure, maybe 1 or 2, but what place doesn’t have them?

  • Ben M.

    I went to a place just like the one you described. I forgot the name though, Spencers’? Spunkys’? Ah, whatever. I saw UP while I was there. The food was wicked expensive, so we just decided to go eat at wendy’s after the movie. And just like how you described it, some parts had me choked up, others made me want to sleep, but overall, I would say it was almost as good as WALL-E.

    But the main difference between our trips, was that I didn’t seem to see a bunch of waddling, round people. Sure, maybe 1 or 2, but what place doesn’t have them?

  • Scott!

    Lare -okay, okay. You are the most fucked up person I know. You can be Queen of our club. And yes Tetsubo, there are badges, vests, and bicycle bells that we will wear strapped to our head’s like miner’s lamps.

    J & T -I am all about the vasectomy. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life, but well worth it. On the off chance I ever want to spawn again I can adopt. There was actually a lot of testing and questioning before they did it. But it all seemed aimed at determining that I was NOT insane and knew what I was doing.

    Dave -yeah there was a sick part of me that enjoyed Chunky’s. I’m pretty sure it was the part that enjoys beer though.

    Renting the town theater was a lot of fun. but this year we are doing something more low key. She gets to invite one kid, we will go out to eat, see a movie, and then ahve a sleep over.

    Ben -Really? I thought Wall-E was far better than UP. So far Wall-E, Monsters Inc., and Incredibles are my favorites.

  • Scott!

    Lare -okay, okay. You are the most fucked up person I know. You can be Queen of our club. And yes Tetsubo, there are badges, vests, and bicycle bells that we will wear strapped to our head’s like miner’s lamps.

    J & T -I am all about the vasectomy. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life, but well worth it. On the off chance I ever want to spawn again I can adopt. There was actually a lot of testing and questioning before they did it. But it all seemed aimed at determining that I was NOT insane and knew what I was doing.

    Dave -yeah there was a sick part of me that enjoyed Chunky’s. I’m pretty sure it was the part that enjoys beer though.

    Renting the town theater was a lot of fun. but this year we are doing something more low key. She gets to invite one kid, we will go out to eat, see a movie, and then ahve a sleep over.

    Ben -Really? I thought Wall-E was far better than UP. So far Wall-E, Monsters Inc., and Incredibles are my favorites.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/tetsubo57 Tetsubo

    Will offerings to save our village still be accepted?

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/tetsubo57 Tetsubo

    Will offerings to save our village still be accepted?

  • Scott!

    Maybe. Depends on what’s being offered.

  • Scott!

    Maybe. Depends on what’s being offered.

  • http://www.docmonstercomic.com/ Dave Flora

    Scott, you sir, are a monster.
    ..a giant ape monster with a TV for a head.
    ……which is pretty darned cool.)
    I wondered where all the excess white trash in Kentucky wandered off to, and now I know.

  • http://www.docmonstercomic.com Dave Flora

    Scott, you sir, are a monster.
    ..a giant ape monster with a TV for a head.
    ……which is pretty darned cool.)
    I wondered where all the excess white trash in Kentucky wandered off to, and now I know.

  • Josh B.

    OK, I’m gonna bring up something that has nothing to do with the blog.

    http://www.newsarama.com/comics/070902-HighMoon.html

    About halfway down, we get: “David Gallagher: Plus, I’m kind of partial to doing a High Moon/Jonah Hex or High Moon/Atomic Robo crossover.”

    Do you truly have an excuse not to make that happen?

  • Josh B.

    OK, I’m gonna bring up something that has nothing to do with the blog.

    http://www.newsarama.com/comics/070902-HighMoon.html

    About halfway down, we get: “David Gallagher: Plus, I’m kind of partial to doing a High Moon/Jonah Hex or High Moon/Atomic Robo crossover.”

    Do you truly have an excuse not to make that happen?

  • Josh B.

    Also, if anyone has contact with that Finfrock character, can you tell him he’s a bastard for not letting me give him money for his prints? Seriously.

  • Josh B.

    Also, if anyone has contact with that Finfrock character, can you tell him he’s a bastard for not letting me give him money for his prints? Seriously.

  • Scott!

    Dave -I’m pretty sure you have another loyal fan in the Geek Syndicate boys now. And yes. I am a monster.

    Josh -Gallagher’s a great guy and High Moon rocks. But personally I hate crossovers. You have different fictional worlds operating on very different sets of rules. Once you break the rules of your world, (by incorporating a character from another book), you break the illusion that your world could be “real”.

    I could see a Robo/ Tom Strong crossover, Robo /Madman!, or Robo/ Ghost Zero. Maybe Robo /Sgt. Zero also, but I’d need to read more.

    But it still comes back to my intense dislike of crossovers getting in the way.

    I look at books that I really respect like Hellboy and madman. They have done crossovers with a lot of different characters, and without exception the stories always feel weird and just wrong somehow.

    You wouldn’t want Gandalf to make a guest appearance in a Harry Potter book. Why do people always do this with comics?

    So that’s my excuse for not making it happen. =D

  • http://www.scottwegener.com Scott Wegna

    Dave -I’m pretty sure you have another loyal fan in the Geek Syndicate boys now. And yes. I am a monster.

    Josh -Gallagher’s a great guy and High Moon rocks. But personally I hate crossovers. You have different fictional worlds operating on very different sets of rules. Once you break the rules of your world, (by incorporating a character from another book), you break the illusion that your world could be “real”.

    I could see a Robo/ Tom Strong crossover, Robo /Madman!, or Robo/ Ghost Zero. Maybe Robo /Sgt. Zero also, but I’d need to read more.

    But it still comes back to my intense dislike of crossovers getting in the way.

    I look at books that I really respect like Hellboy and madman. They have done crossovers with a lot of different characters, and without exception the stories always feel weird and just wrong somehow.

    You wouldn’t want Gandalf to make a guest appearance in a Harry Potter book. Why do people always do this with comics?

    So that’s my excuse for not making it happen. =D

  • Josh B.

    It’s kinda already happened…

  • Josh B.

    It’s kinda already happened…

  • Scott!

    It has??

  • Scott!

    It has??

  • http://www.nuklearpower.com Brian!

    High Moon has made references to Atomic Robo, or at least to Tesla. It’s not really a crossover.

  • http://www.nuklearpower.com Brian!

    High Moon has made references to Atomic Robo, or at least to Tesla. It’s not really a crossover.

  • Josh B.

    In High Moon, Tesla’s picture appears in a newspaper and he’s resting his hand on Robo’s head. The comic take’s place in 1887 or something, so I was quite delighted that it seems feasible that he was actually working on Robo as early as that. There’s sort of a Tesla-verse between Atomic Robo, High Moon and Five Fists of Science.

    I actually agree with you about crossovers, but what use is being a comic fan if not being able to geek out about what-ifs?

  • Josh B.

    In High Moon, Tesla’s picture appears in a newspaper and he’s resting his hand on Robo’s head. The comic take’s place in 1887 or something, so I was quite delighted that it seems feasible that he was actually working on Robo as early as that. There’s sort of a Tesla-verse between Atomic Robo, High Moon and Five Fists of Science.

    I actually agree with you about crossovers, but what use is being a comic fan if not being able to geek out about what-ifs?