H1-N1, How I Love Thee

Last Updated on Tuesday, 8 December 2009 09:00 Written by Scott Wegna Tuesday, 8 December 2009 09:00

Sorry there was no blog yesterday. I had one of those days where I have to actually act like an adult and be responsible for both myself and others. This happens quite a lot actually, but most of the time I’m not fasting while I do it. Started the day by taking my senile father-in-law to the lab for blood work. We showed up ten minutes before they opened and sat around for over an hour. Some stupid new policy where the lab is no longer first-come first-serve, but instead gives preferential treatment to the patients whose doctors actually work in that office. Dad sees a guy who specializes in cranky old people, so we get to wait until everyone has been seen, or someone fails to show up. It seems pretty stupid to me, since you know that Dad’s doctor pays more for the lab services than the in-house guys do.

For an hour the two of us sat there, neither one of us having eaten or had anything to drink yet that day. Every minute or so Dad would ask me what we were doing there, why they wouldn’t see him because we’d obviously been the first ones in the waiting room, and generally getting more agitated my the second because he didn’t really understand what was going on.

I was in a comma for most of this, because I was also having blood drawn (at a totally different and inconveniently located lab), so I hadn’t had breakfast yet or, more importantly, any coffee. At home we have a rule: no talking before coffee. This has saved Dorinda and I from many, many, stupid fights about nothing. I cannot function without a cup of joe. Several in fact Spread out across the day. I gave up smoking, I only drink socially, and I’ve replaced all the unhealthy snacks in my house with fruits and vegetables. But I will donkey-punch the first motherfucker who tries to stop me from drinking coffee by the bucket-full.

So anyway, they eventually see Dad. I happen to mention that I’m also fasting (and thus in a vegetative state) because I’m getting stabbed next. The lab person says, “well hey,we can do that! We’ll just have them fax your orders over to us.” Sweet, says I. That takes another small eternity to actually happen though. All the while Dad is getting more and more cranky. It’s been a while since I felt the urge to strike a senios citizen, but let me tell ya . . .

I’d left the house at  7:30 in the morning and it was almost 11am before I got home and made some coffee.

Then I hopped in the car and drove a billion miles to Nashua NH to see my own doctor for my physical. The only reason I don’t switch to a doctor in my own area is because I love Greg. Seeing him is almost fun. We joke around, we shoot the shit, I turn my head and cough -it’s actually a good time. Anyway, it turns out that I was way overdue for some shots. No problem. What? Four shots? eeeeh . . .oh-kay, I guess.

I get stabbed with a tetanus booster, flu shot, the H1-N1 shot, and for good measure, something to prevent me getting pneumonia. Just in case.

Today, guess what I have? The fucking flu. Well, not the flu, but flu-like symptoms as the shots do their work. As Greg put it, the stuff just sits in the muscle mass until your body absorbs it. This can hurt a lot sometimes. (It sure does!). It’s something akin to a fat lady squeezing into a size 6 dress. The muscles weren’t built to act as storage/distribution vessels.

And of course its the arm I work with that’s swollen and painful. So I’m sitting here, with the joint pain, fever, and hot/cold spells you get with the flu, but not actually feeling sick in the stomach. Scientifically its very neat. I just wish I didn’t have a Robo cover due today so I could lay on the couch and sleep it off.

Oh well.

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